Each chapter of Die Young is frequently punctuated with compelling real-life vignettes from the lives of the best-selling husband and wife team of Michael and Hayley. Their stories are gripping and their transparency is both admirable and helpful in their challenge to young people accept the biblical paradoxes that death is the new life, down is the new up, less is the new more, weak is the new strong, slavery is the new freedom, confession is the new innocence, and red is the new white.

Give this book to a teen or young adult in your life if you want to challenge them to find the true life that results from dying young!

[Disclosure of Material Connection: Crossway sent me a free review copy of this book. I was not asked to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”]

Lessons in Manhood. Stinson and Dumas begin the book with lessons in manhood gained through the study of Adam, Job, Solomon, Paul, and especially Jesus. From Adam, the authors provide lessons in biblical leadership. Job’s difficult life provides lessons in spiritual ruggedness. From David’s last words to Solomon in 1 Kings 2:1-9, the reader is admonished to “show yourself a man”. This section also provides helpful insights on sexual temptation from Proverbs 5 and on humble repentance from Psalm 51. Lessons drawn from Paul’s charge to the men of Corinth in 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 deal with grace and grit for the gospel. And, of course, Jesus is presented as the crux of biblical manhood. By looking at who Jesus was as a man and what he came to do, men are challenged to wrestle with the man Jesus and to live out what he has called us to as men today.

A Guide for Husbands, Fathers and Pastors. The book also includes chapters with specific guidance for husbands, fathers and pastors on the biblical role of men in these domains. Husbands are challenged to lead in love, be quick to repent and forgive, serve their wives by being willing to lay down their lives for them, and to take the lead in spiritual matters, dating, and faithful intimacy. Fathers are instructed on how to lead their children with intentionality. This chapter includes two wonderful sections that I especially enjoyed, titled “25 Things A Dad Should Teach A Boy” and “Take Me Out to the Ballgame: Baseball, Biblical Masculinity, and Godly Character.” Most importantly, the section for fathers includes a critical essay on winning the hearts of their children for the gospel. The chapter for pastors is really guidance for all men in their shepherding role. All men are pastors within the context of the family, and the encouragements to shepherd well and to not give up presented in this section are crucial for husbands, fathers, mentors and church leaders. A Guide to Biblical Manhood also includes an excellent list of other resources on biblical manhood.

A Guide to Biblical Manhood is a well-written, comprehensive introduction to the topic of biblical manhood appropriate for small groups, mentoring, and counseling for men in all stages of life. It is saturated with the gospel, and I highly recommend it.

I’ll start with what I liked about Real Marriage. I admire the Driscoll’s transparency throughout the book. There are a few places in the book in which I wish they had been less transparent. The Driscoll’s would have been wise to adhere a little more to Proverbs 21:23, “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble.” But more on that later. Chapter 2, entitled “Friend with Benefits”, is the easily the best chapter in the book. Even Mark and Grace said it was their favorite. And for good reason. In the Driscoll’s research for this book, 187 books on marriage that they reviewed didn’t produce a single chapter on the essential, and clearly neglected, aspect of friendship in marriage. Their use and application of Scripture in this chapter is spot-on. Their examples, from their own marriage as well as from Martin and Katherine Luther’s marriage, are helpful and relevant. Chapters 3 and 4 are well-written chapters for men and women respectively, penned from a solidly complementation perspective, and I really appreciated the practical nature of these chapters. And Chapter 5, on the importance of repentance and forgiveness, is essential. If Real Marriage had only included the first five chapters, the last chapter, on “Reverse-Engineering Your Life and Marriage”, a single chapter on the topic of sex, and the appendices at the end, this review would probably be a recommendation.

Part 2, a five-chapter, extremely provocative, discourse on sex in marriage is where the Driscoll’s lost me as a fan of this book. While I do not underestimate the importance of discussing sex in a book on marriage, I don’t believe that the topic warrants as much libidinous detail as the Driscoll’s gave it. Fully one-third of Real Marriage is devoted to a Dr. Drew-esque and theologically shaky discussion of sex. Unlike the rest of the book (and, frankly, uncharacteristic of Driscoll’s typically solid exposition of Scripture), poor biblical interpretation of 1 Corinthians 6:12 and much of Song of Solomon reigned here. Chapter 10, simply titled “Can we _____?” is the chapter that will ignite the most controversy. Indeed it already has. Both Tim Challies and Denny Burk have discussed the lapses in judgement of either the editorial staff of Thomas Nelson or the Driscoll’s themselves that are evident in these chapters. I have linked to their reviews; there is no need for me to rehash their critiques here. It almost seemed to me as if the Driscolls were trying too hard to identify with our sex-crazed, indulgent culture. I would have preferred for them to simply give their readers the gospel. Uncharacteristically for the Driscolls, I found this book extremely gospel-deficient, relying more on an unsavory blend of pop psychology (Christian and non-Christian psychologists and sociologists were cited who Mars Hill pastoral staff and elders hopefully do not endorse) and shock-jock gratuity.

As I have said, I have a great deal of respect for the Driscoll’s. But I also have a lot of respect for the couples I counsel. Out of respect for the latter, and with no shortage of solid marriage books to commend, I cannot recommend Real Marriage to my clients, my readers or my friends.

[Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review, and I obviously didn't. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”]

One of those leaders, Heath Lambert of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, has chronicled the growth of the biblical counseling movement since Jay Adams in a new book, The Biblical Counseling Movement After Adams (Crossway). In his book, Lambert traces the history of the movement since its birth with Adams and describes three areas of advancement that have occurred:

• advances in how biblical counselors think about counseling (understanding the counselee as both sinner and sufferer and moving from an outward focus on behavior to an inward focus on motivation),
• advances in how biblical counselors do counseling (a more biblical understanding of the counseling relationship), and
• advances in how biblical counselors talk about counseling (advances in apologetic engagement with those who, like my seminary professors, believe in the integration of psychology and christian counseling).

Lambert is also clear to point out that, while advancements in the above areas have occurred, “no principal disagreement exists” between the more traditional biblical counselors and the more progressive biblical counselors with regard to the sufficiency of Scripture “and the relevance of outside information for the counseling task.” Lambert maintains that Adams was gospel-centered before gospel-centered was cool, and that the only differences between the second and third generation biblical counselors and Adams are “differences of emphasis, tone and application.” I would argue that Lambert downplays the significances of these types of differences, especially for those of us who are reformed in our theology, but would nonetheless agree that all the second and third generation biblical counselors are unified with Adams in their unmitigated belief in the sufficiency of Scripture and the insufficiency of all other approaches to the care of the soul.

Mindful that further advancement is necessary, Lambert suggests that biblical counseling could benefit by elaborating on our biblical theology of motivation. While noting that David Powlison’s “idols of the heart” language “has been both enlightening and important,” Lambert warns that, “biblically, idols do not exist in and of themselves but instead are concrete manifestations of every human’s deep-seated desire for self-exaltation.” Therefore, Lambert suggests that the movement articulate a theology of motivation that views heart idolatry as itself a symptom of a much deeper, more complex, reality – the prideful, self-exalting human heart.

I am thankful for both Adams’ initial work in Competent to Counsel that helped me see the need for biblical soul care practitioners and for the work of the second and third generation leaders who have expanded upon his work and helped me see biblical counseling through clearer lenses. And I am thankful for Heath Lambert for tracing the growth of the movement and helping to chart the way forward. The Biblical Counseling Movement After Adams will be a helpful resource for biblical counselors, pastors, and lay persons who, like me, desire to become increasingly competent to counsel.

For further insight into Dr. Lambert’s background, I invite you to watch him share his testimony in chapel at Boyce College.

[Disclosure of Material Connection: Crossway sent me a free review copy of this book. I was not asked to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”]

“Like everything which is not the involuntary result of fleeting emotions but the creation of time and will, any marriage, happy or unhappy, is infinitely more interesting than any romance, however passionate.”

Could this statement be true? The assertion that any relationship which requires time and will to cultivate is exceedingly more interesting than the most passionate of romances is completely bizarre in today’s take-what-you-can-get-while-you-can-get-it culture. Is a long and happy marriage worth the expenditure of time and will necessary to create it? A look at the marriage and divorce statistics over the last 40 years reveals that more people are answering that question negatively. The divorce rate is now twice what it was in 1960, and almost 25% fewer adults are married now than in 1960. It appears that more people than ever are simply content to exchange fleeting passionate romance for long-term covenantal love. In The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God, Tim Keller (pastor of Manhattan’s Redeemer Presbyterian Church) and Kathy Keller (Tim’s wife and co-laborer in the gospel for 37 years) demonstrate the overwhelming superiority of time and will over consumerism and convenience. The Kellers guide the reader through Ephesians 5:18-33 to show that marriage is God’s design, created to display His glory and to increase our joy. In Chapter 3 of The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller cites the Auden quote above and dares to argue from the Bible that Auden is right. (pp. 89-90) The Kellers make the audacious claim that what gives meaning to Auden’s “creation of time and will” is simply the gospel of Jesus Christ – “that through marriage, the mystery of the gospel is unveiled.”

This is the secret – that the gospel of Jesus and marriage explain one another. That when God invented marriage, he already had the saving work of Jesus in mind. (p. 47)

These twin themes – the essential nature of commitment in marriage and marriage as an illustration of the gospel – permeate the pages of this book. I commend The Meaning of Marriage to anyone, single or married, who wants to better understand God’s design for marriage. It will help those who are not married form healthier and more realistic expectations before becoming one flesh with someone else. It will help those who are married better navigate the struggles they are having or will have. It will help every reader better understand the God who created marriage and the gospel that He designed marriage to represent. I would also recommend this book as a gift for friends who are not believers, as Keller’s approach, while always saturated with the gospel, is also sensitive and warm towards those who have not trusted Christ. In better understanding marriage, all who read will better understand the gospel as well.

For more information, check out this video of Tim Keller speaking to Google employees about The Meaning of Marriage.

Now, check out Hebrews 1:1-3.

In the Old Testament, God spoke through prophets. Up until Genesis 3, God spoke directly to man. God and man lived in fellowship with one another and spoke to each other without need of an intermediary. But then sin entered the world in Genesis 3, and Isaiah 59:1-2 tells us that sin separates us from God. So, throughout the Old Testament, you will see God speaking primarily through prophets or priests to the people.

But now, “in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son.” There it is again, this idea of Jesus as the Word. God has spoken to us by his Son. Jesus has revealed God to us in his words, in his actions, in his entire being. Verse 3 tells us that Jesus is the “exact imprint of his (God’s) nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power.” Christ is the complete revelation of God to us and the Creator who spoke everything into existence. He is also the Sustainer of everything that exists, holding everything together by the “word of his power.”

These next few days, as you hear Christmas songs and see manger scenes, just remember that the baby in the manger is also the creator of all things and holds all things together. He did not come to inspire us to be good, loving people. He came to point us to God and to show us our need for God so that we might glorify God.

Colossians 1:15-20 reminds us that this Jesus who took on flesh is also the eternal, omnipotent God who created the world and all that is in it and is sovereign over all of creation.

• “He is the image of the invisible God” – This phrase simply means that when you see Christ, you see God. It is that simple. God became a man, in part, to make his invisible attributes visible to us.
• He is “the firstborn of all creation.” – In the culture of the time Jesus was born, the firstborn had special rights and privileges that the other children did not have. Especially in a royal family, the firstborn would inherit the sovereign right to rule. This phrase is simply saying that Jesus has sovereignty over all creation.
• “For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities – all things were created through him” – this is not vague wording! Jesus created everything that exists.
• “…and for him” – Not only was everything created by him and through him, everything was created for him. Everything in creation was created to glorify and serve Jesus.
• “And he is before all things” – Jesus is eternal. He existed before anything else.
• and in him all things hold together.” – Jesus holds all of creation together. Hebrews 1:3 says that Jesus “upholds the universe by the word of his power.” Without Jesus holding everything together, the universe would disintegrate into chaos.
• “And he is the head of the body, the church.” – Matt Chandler is not the head of The Village Church. The head of the body of Christ, the church, is Jesus.
• “He is the beginning” – Jesus did not come into existence when Mary gave birth to him. Not only was Jesus around at the beginning, Jesus IS the beginning. Everything begins with him.
• “the firstborn from the dead” – Jesus is immortal. Others were raised from the dead besides Christ, but they all died again. Jesus is the first to conquer death completely.
• “that in everything he might be preeminent” – Jesus is supreme and preeminent over all things.
• “For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell,” – Make no mistake about it (as if this wasn’t obvious from all the previous statements in this passage), Jesus IS God.
• “and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross” – this is why Christ came, to reconcile all things to God through the cross.

There is no passage in Scripture that makes it plainer that Jesus is God, Creator, Sustainer, Sovereign, Eternal, Immortal, Preeminent, and has all rights and privileges associated with all those things. He can do whatever he wants, because everything belongs to him.

Now look at Philippians 2:5-11.

Around the same time that Matt Carter and Chris Tomlin were planting The Austin Stone in Austin and Darrin Patrick was planting The Journey in St. Louis, I was planting The River in metro Atlanta. After about four years, our elders (read “me”), determined that The River was no longer viable as a church and we dissolved. According to a 2007 study by the Center for Missional Research, about a third of all church plants don’t survive their fourth year. Sadly, The River was one of those church plants that, due to the previously mentioned lack of leadership and other reasons, simply was not sustainable long-term. During that same period, Matt Chandler was “re-planting” The Village Church in the Dallas area, where my family is now serving as covenant members and home group coaches. Just as I have no explanation for the similarity of the names of these churches, I also have no real explanation for why God chooses to bless some churches with tremendous growth and not sustain others. You will not find For The City to be a how-to-grow-a-large-church book. Instead, you will find it to be true to it’s claim of being a book about proclaiming and living out the gospel in your context. It is our job as ministers of reconciliation to be faithful to plant and water. God is responsible for the growth. (1 Corinthians 3:6-7)

For The City exalts the God who gives the growth, not the planters and waterers. This is the story of how God used a worship leader named Chris Tomlin to encourage Matt to plant in Austin (when, as a Texas A&M graduate, he would have preferred to plant anywhere else in Texas) and an interview with Kurt Warner to encourage Darrin to plant in St. Louis. It is the story of how God, in his mercy, protected both men from misguided early attempts at contextualization. (Darrin thought a Jackass marathon would be a good idea, and Matt decided to completely ridicule the theory of evolution in a college city filled with intellectuals.) You will read about how the gospel has motivated a used-car salesman in St. Louis to talk about Jesus on his car lot and sustained a couple in Austin through a difficult Haitian adoption. For the City is the story of how “missional communities” are slowly beginning to transform both of these cities. Through Mission St. Louis (poverty), The Luminary Center for the Arts, and Karis House (counseling), The Journey is meeting real needs in their city. The Stone is doing the same in Austin through the For The City Network, bringing together organizations like Communities in Schools (literacy), the Capital Area Food Bank (hunger), the Caring Family Network (adoption), and Austin LifeGuard (teen pregnancy). Woven throughout is the constant gospel rhythm that this is God’s work, not the work of these men. Darrin and Matt are both very transparent about their own weaknesses and failures along the way.

In short, For The City is about the simple call of all believers to proclaim and live out the gospel where we are, while we are there. This call is for church planters and pastors, regardless of church size or growth rate. It is for small group leaders, members and lay ministers of all types. It is for those who live in large, medium-sized, and small cities, suburbs, towns and rural areas.

“But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.” (Jeremiah 29:7)

[Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Zondervan as part of their book review blog tour program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”]

Many churches, including Mars Hill Church in Seattle and The Village Church in Texas, utilize Dr. Henderson’s curriculum to equip pastors and elders, group leaders and coaches, and lay counselors for the work of the ministry. Equipped to Counsel is also used by the Association of Biblical Counselors to train biblical counselors nationally through their certificate program. Equipped to Counsel is such a widely used and respected curriculum because it is extensive in its scope and rich in the power of the gospel and the sufficiency of the Scriptures for the care of the complex human psyche.

A Complete Curriculum. Equipped to Counsel is not a book, but rather a comprehensive curriculum, consisting of a Leader Notebook, a Leader Resource Book, and a Student Notebook. The Leader Notebook contains all of the course content organized in three parts:

• Foundations of Biblical Counseling
• Biblical Counseling & Specific Troubles
• Biblical Counseling and the Family

The Leader Notebook is supplemented by a Leader Resource Book packed with case studies, discussion questions, role plays, hand-outs, quizzes, various counseling tools and assessments, and a counseling journal for use with the counseling mini-practicum suggested for the final 12 weeks of the training. In addition to the Student Notebook, all students are also asked to acquire a bundle of 46 journal articles from the Journal of Pastoral Practice and the Journal of Biblical Counseling that further develop and apply the material presented in each chapter.

The course content is also available in 28 DVDs, which provide 72 hours of Dr. Henderson’s teaching of the material. Equipped to Counsel is a thorough biblical counseling curriculum, suitable for training in the church, as in-service training for practicing biblical counselors, or in the college or seminary classroom.

Extolling the Gospel. Dr. Henderson reminds those who seek to counsel biblically that the heart of biblical counsel is “the word of the cross” (1 Corinthians 2:1-5). He writes:

“In a way, good biblical counseling is a journey through all the beauties of the gospel message, a never-ending feast along the beaches of a never-ending paradise, for the gospel is the sum of everything that can be truthfully said about Jesus Christ.”

Equipped to Counsel is gospel-rich and Christ-centered, extolling the beauty and efficacy of the good news for all of life, heralding the themes of the futility of man and the power of God, and emphasizing the gospel. In Henderson’s words, as: “the solution for unbelievers and the solution for believers.” Dr. Henderson lays a solid foundation of gospel centrality in the early chapters of Equipped to Counsel, and then applies it throughout the rest of the curriculum to specific troubles and marriage and family life.

Grounded in Scriptural Sufficiency. Equipped to Counsel properly sees biblical counseling as “a process of focused discipleship” that “gets its motivations, objectives, verbal content, methods, and power from God and according to His Word.” Dr. Henderson, therefore, is rightly committed to the absolute authority of Scripture. The God who has “granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness” (2 Peter 1:3) has called biblical counselors to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).

Biblical counselors must be irrevocably committed to both speaking the truth and speaking it in love, remembering that Jesus was full of both grace and truth (John 1:14). Equipped to Counsel is a compendium of solid biblical counseling approaches for specific issues such as addictions, anxiety, anger, depression, homosexuality, marital conflict, family violence, sexual, financial and other typical sources of conflict in marriage, family conflicts, blended families, parenting, and work with children and adolescents. For all of these issues, Henderson demonstrates clearly how the Scriptures are sufficient to counsel individuals, couples, families, children and teenagers through the common difficulties of life.

Caring for the Complex Human Soul. With its over 750 pages of printed material (combining the three volume set), multitudes of journal articles, and 72 hours of teaching, it would seem that Equipped to Counsel is exhaustive on the subject of biblical counseling. But, of course, that would be impossible in any one resource, other than the living and active Word of God.

This curriculum has stirred my affections for the Lord as it demonstrates the desperation of the human condition and points to the All-Sufficient One who is able to bring hope and healing. Had Dr. Henderson written ten times as much, he would only have scratched the surface of all that God has given to us through His incomparable Word to address the intricacies of the human soul. While secular models for healing the psyche are all reductionistic and limited in scope, Equipped to Counsel cracks open a door to the all-encompassing heart-focused approach that can truly change lives.

This review was originally published on the Biblical Counseling Coalition blog and is republished here with permission.

Community. A primary need of engaged couples is to establish two critical lines of support as they build on their relationship with the Lord and each other.  They need relationships with other Christian couples who are preparing for marriage and with spiritually mature Christian couples who are seasoned in marriage.  Obviously, the local church is the primary place where Christian couples should look to establish both of these types of relationships. A multi-generational small group or Bible study consisting of couples in various stages of life is ideal. However, if your church doesn’t offer community in this form, I highly recommend that you seek it out on your own. Reading and reflecting together about books such as When Sinners Say “I Do”, What Did You Expect?, Sacred Marriage, This Momentary Marriage, or The Meaning of Marriage provides couples an excellent opportunity to discuss and think about the implications of the gospel for marriage (sacrifice, humility, grace, giving, etc.), as well as God’s wisdom for couples on issues such as intimacy (conversational, emotional, physical, sexual and, above all, spiritual), communication, finances, parenting, and conflict resolution.

Premarital Counseling. Most engaged couples are married in churches by ordained clergy, yet very few marriages are preceded by premarital counseling.  With approximately half of all marriages ending in divorce (a statistic that is unfortunately shared by both unbelieving and Christian marriages), the church appears to be blessing a lot of marriages that are not adequately equipped for success.  Although most churches provide some type of optional premarital counseling, these premarital counseling programs are often simply a “hoop” to jump through on the way to the altar. There is no substitute for several weeks of intensive pre-marital counseling by a qualified pastor or counselor. We offer comprehensive, gospel-centered marital and pre-marital counseling at The Center for Christian Counseling, but whether you pursue it with us or someone else, I strongly encourage intensive, heart-focused, biblical premarital counseling.

 Marriage Mentors. Find a couple who have been married for at least 10 years and ask them to walk with you through the premarital process and the first year of marriage.  The relationship between the couple and their mentors should be mutually-defined and personalized.  Mentoring might include meeting to discuss Scripture or a book that both couples are reading (such as the ones linked above), getting together over coffee to discuss plans for the wedding (and, more importantly, life after the wedding), or simply spending time in the mentoring couple’s home.  The key is to provide the engaged or newlywed couple with a model of a gospel-centered Christian marriage.  Almost half of today’s young adults spent at least part of their childhood or adolescence in a home shattered by divorce.  Make sure that you see examples of godly marriages so that you don’t repeat the same mistakes.

Young couples need the support, encouragement and training that gospel-centered community, premarital counseling and mentoring can provide. Taking advantage of these opportunities honors the sacred covenant of marriage and strengthens future marriages and families for the advance of the gospel of Christ.